The Gong Show

And now, let us introduce, for your viewing pleasure: ¢ A bearded, demented-looking dentist taunts his hapless patient as he drills her teeth, flipping the drill's switch to the tune of "Stars and Stripes Forever." ¢ A petite homecoming queen, obviously nervous, is duped into singing the National Anthem after she and fellow members of the choir have been introduced as collectively performing "The Star Spangled Banner." ¢ A grossly overweight man tap-dances to music from "Swan Lake"; later his equally obese wife squeezes into a tiny tutu and, after fitting her head in a teacup, spins around while playing "Old Folks at Home" on the mandolin. ¢ An Elvis impersonator sings "Hound Dog," but his voice is a monotone. Who didn't live for acts such as those on The Gong Show, the classic parody of ameteur talent contests? Chuck Barris was the straight man (yeah, right) to a panel of three celebrity judges